duckorgethit

Duck or Get Hit

MOOOO!
J E Wilson

What is PETA all about? They must have lost their minds with their latest suggestion to spare cows from being milked. As I sit here writing my second novel for children CNN reports the most off-the-wall PETA suggestion ever.
I heard this report and gagged then puked at the idea that PETA wants to substitute women’s breast milk. Next I wiped my breakfast from my lips and leaned back in my chair and thought hard about this reported news. My first thoughts were that it had to be a joke then I remembered the days when PETA supporters stalked celebrities who wore fur and covered them in blood red paint. Fanatics do crazy things. Greenpeace took on whaling ships in rubber boats.
PETA is or can be considered a fanatical fraction of society even though they are not bombing abortion clinics or challenging the government with violence. Asking Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream to put the milk cows out to pasture preeminently when all the cow’s want is to live in California with all the other happy cows is a little much. Then again I have to question if all the California cows are really happy. There might be a few disgruntle cows working for the California cheese companies yet I am sure the cows would rather be milked than be dinner.
I live in one of New York’s largest milk producing counties and the farms are consolidating and growing. Many farms boast thousands of milking cows. Unemployment is also higher here than in most of the nation. The cheapest activities are drinking, drugs, and sex so we might be able to support PETA and the idea of milking women instead of cows. Psychedelic milk might have its own specialty market.
This idea might be a win, win for all involved. We can free the cows, open a new employment niche for the female population, and shut up PETA until they call for something else to be stopped or changed. This may be a great opportunity for the women’s movement!
All that really needs to be asked from those females lactating is that they eat, fart, and get milked twice a day. If this is a serious suggestion from PETA and has made national headlines then the women of PETA should offer up the first nipples.
Sadly, it may take three or four women to one cow to keep production up. I salute PETA for saving the cow and offer up the female race in the cows replace. Nip Nip Hooray!!

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